


My Lovers Got Humor

by brokenpromisesandhope



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Band Fic, Blow Jobs, Concerts, First Time, M/M, Making Out, Public Sex, Smut, Swearing, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:54:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3658044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenpromisesandhope/pseuds/brokenpromisesandhope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got this idea from listening to the female version of "Take Me To Church" hence the title. The more comments/kudos the sooner the updates!<br/>Xx<br/>T<br/>10-15-15: I love this fic and have so many ideas but it needs to be hammered out!</p>
    </blockquote>





	My Lovers Got Humor

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from listening to the female version of "Take Me To Church" hence the title. The more comments/kudos the sooner the updates!  
> Xx  
> T  
> 10-15-15: I love this fic and have so many ideas but it needs to be hammered out!

"Guys! Laura fucking Hale is coming to Beacon Hills!" Stiles exclaims, throwing a flier on the table. Almost everyday after school, him, Scott, Lydia, Allison and Jackson went to Beacon Hills' only coffee shop. They all swore they did it to study, but Stiles and Lydia were the only ones who even took out textbooks. "Who's Laura Hale?" Jackson scoffs.  
"Oh god." Scott mumbles.  
"Laura Hale is a goddess. She's the best cover artist there is, I'm pretty sure like ever. God, she hasn't been here since I was fifteen, and I had to beg my dad to let me go. He was not too happy when he found out all the 'inappropriate' songs she covered. She did 'Don't Trust Me' by 3oh! 3 and I swear to god I died. So who's going?"  
"Why the hell would I go see someone who can't even write there own songs?" Jackson laughs. Stiles whips his spoon at him and Jackson actually winces when it hits his shoulder. "What the hell Stilinski?"  
"Don't joke about Laura man," Scott says, "He's literally in love with her." 

"I am, I've listened to her since I was like thirteen."  
"God how old is this chick?" Jackson scowls, ignoring the look on Lydia's face. "Her twenty sixth birthday is the day after the BH show!"  
"I thought she was younger than that." Allison says, looking up from her phone.  
"Naw. She disappeared for awhile though, this is her first tour in awhile."  
"I'm so confused, why does she have a tour if all she does is covers?"  
"God Jackson, she has a few of her own songs, mostly from when she was younger, but she mostly does covers and they're amazing! If you come with and see you'll understand!"  
Jackson scowls and Lydia picks up the poster.  
"It's at The Soar? You know that's eighteen plus right?"  
"My birthday's two days before! It's fate!"  
"Fine, I'm in." Lydia says, still looking at the flyer.  
"Yes!" Stiles exclaims. 

The two weeks until the concert flies by and Stiles can barely sit through school. It doesn't help that the end of the year is around the corner. It's almost the end of fourth hour when he gets a series of texts. 

From: Scottie  
To: Your Number  
Hey can't go tonight.. don't hate me :/ 

From: Alli Kat  
To: Your Number  
I'm sick and Scott insists on staying home wit me.. sorry 

From: Queen B  
To: Your Number  
Jax and I can't go. Sorry xoxo

"What the fuck?" Stiles mutters angrily. Everyone has agreed to buy their own ticket, and his was in his pocket, and he wanted to go dammit. Just not alone. He has AP Macro next and he sees Lydia standing at her locker, across from the classroom.  
"Hey, why the hell are you ditching me?" Lydia rolls her eyes,  
"You're such a baby. You'll thank me later."  
"For letting me go to a fucking concert alone?"  
Lydia shuts her locker,  
"Don't be a pussy Stiles. Dress hot, sit at the bar, flirt with someone. You'll be fine. "  
"I hate you." He says, and walks away. 

Turns out, by dressing hot, Lydia meant she'd broken into his house, under the guise of dropping off homework. Which for some reason his father actually believed, and picked a few choices out of his closet. After his shower and styling his hair, he chooses a red soft tee and tight black skinny jeans. He still doesn't know why he has to go alone, but he can only assume that she's setting him up with someone. (Maybe they'd all finally realized he was sick and tired of fifth wheeling. Unlikely. But a nice thought.) 

The bar's not as crowded as he would think, and the bouncer looks him up and down skeptically.  
"ID." He barks.  
"I'm eighteen." Stiles muttered, handing it over.  
"Barely." He says, handing back the ID. Stiles feels awkward alone, and he makes his way to the bar, taking a seat. Like all shows, there's a few bands before than main event, one of which was playing now. Stiles hopes there's not too many opening acts, because he hasn't seen Laura in years and he's fucking excited. 

When he was fifteen, and he found out Laura was coming to Beacon Hills, he damn near cried. He then did an extreme amount of chores around the house to ensure that he and Scott could go. Laura was like nothing he'd ever seen before in this small town, and at fifteen, nineteen had seemed so far away. They had stood in the second row near the small stage thought three opening acts and Stiles' feet were starting to get sore before Laura even came out. She came out singing "Misery Business" to Paramore and Stiles thought he might cry. He had always told himself that if there was any girl who could make him straight it was Laura. She was gorgeous, with long black hair, thick eyeliner, and a nose hoop and lip stud glinting in the light, wearing what could barely pass for a shirt and black leather shorts. She had tattoos across her chest and the start of a sleeve on her arm. She was amazing. By the time the concert was over, he had no voice, he was starving and his whole body ached, but it had also been on of the best nights of his life. And tonight he got to live it all again. 

He doesn't notice someone sit next to him until there's a drink being set in front of him. He blinks up at the guy next to him. Who's fucking hot by the way. He's got dark hair and gorgeous light colored eyes, and a strong jaw and Jesus Christ, it's hot in here.  
"Hey."  
"Hi, um,"  
"Thought you might be thirsty."  
Fuck yeah I am, Stiles thought to himself.  
"Um, I'm underage." He blurts.  
The guy laughs,  
"It's just a coke."  
"Oh okay, thanks." Stiles smiles, and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm Stiles."  
The guys nose twitches and Stiles laughs, "It's a nickname."  
"Well I'd hope . I'm Derek. You just here to kill time or-"  
"I'm here for Laura. She's my absolute favorite have you seen her before"  
"A few times." Derek smirks, and Stiles can't help but be surprised Derek is talking to him. 

Stiles sips his coke and acts like he doesn't feel Derek's eyes on him as he watches the band finish their set and someone start to set up for Laura. The stage is more elaborate than when Stiles had seen her last. His leg starts twitching against the bottom rung of the barstool, and he wishes Scott was here with him. He sees Derek smirking over the rim of his glass,  
"Big fan huh?"  
Stiles laughs,  
"Duh. I mean she's got an amazing voice, she's drop dead gorgeous, it's like the perfect package huh?"  
Derek rolls his eyes,  
"Uh huh, she's a package alright."  
Stiles raises an eyebrow,  
"I feel like you know her on a personal level."  
"You could say that."  
Stiles nods,  
"That's awesome. I'd love to meet her sometime. I know it's not that big of a venue and I could if I really wanted, but I'm not gonna stalk her or anything like- sorry I'm rambling." Stiles says cheeks flushing.  
"You're fine. I know how it is when you're obsessed with a singer-"  
"I wouldn't say obsessed!" Stiles argues.  
Derek raises an eyebrow and Stiles looks at the floor. 

It's only a few more minutes before the lights go down, and the background music starts. Suddenly, there's a spotlight and Stiles' jaw drops because no Laura hasn't had videos in awhile but she looks completely different. She's got flaming red hair in retro curls, in a strapless glittery red gown that cuts nearly to her belly button, black tattoos stark against her pale skin. Her sleeve is finished and she's got a few tattoos on her opposite hand. One hand curled around the stationary microphone she starts belting out, 'Take Me To Church' by Hozier and its amazing. Stiles mouths along, tapping to the beat on his thigh. Her smoky voice follows the tune of the song easily, and Stiles gets lost in it. She has a new confidence than when she was a teenager, and she flips her long red hair over her shoulder, groping the mike stand. 

Stiles watches intently, Laura moves around much gracefully than she used to, all her teenage aggressiveness and angst having left her, as she arches her back seductively, flipping her curls and cooing to the audience. Stiles is almost positive that the reason Laura had disappeared was for her to change her image. Yeah it had been crowded at Laura's shows a few years ago but this bar is packed, and everyone's watching her. He frowns, because if he hadn't been able to meet her a couple years ago, there's no way he's gonna meet her tonight with all these people around. 

It's not like the necklace he'd bought for her was particularly expensive, or that it took him forever to write out a letter to her, but he still thought it would have been cool to give it to her. Suddenly, he gets an idea and turns to Derek next to him,  
"Hey!" He calls. It's so loud that he's practically shouting and it still doesn't seem like Derek can hear him. He leans over to slot his mouth over Derek's ear, bracing one hand on Derek's thigh, "Hey," He whispers into Derek's ear. 

He flushes when Derek pulls away slightly to raise an eyebrow at him,  
"What?"  
"You said you kinda know Laura?"  
Derek nods, just a twitch of his head.  
"Would you give this to her?" Stiles asks, cursing Lydia for picking out such tight pants while grabbing the two small envelopes out of his back pocket.  
Derek smiles, and wow he's so attractive Stiles thinks again, hand curling tighter on the muscular thigh.  
"Sure thing."  
Stiles smiles back,  
"Thanks!"  
Derek just smirks at him, taking another sip of his scotch,  
"You gonna get off me now?" Derek asks teasingly, and that's when Stiles realizes he's still pretty much draped over Derek's lap. 

He flails and is sure he's gonna end up on the floor, but Derek grabs him around the hips and yanks him back into his lap. Christ that was hot. And it doesn't really help that Laura's singing 'Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes' by Panic! At The Disco.  
"Sorry," Stiles breathes, staring at Derek.  
"It's fine." Derek say, staring back.  
Stiles blinks and debates how he's gonna stand up when his legs feel like jelly, and he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. Derek's eyes widen and his gaze drops to Stiles' mouth. 

Stiles finally moves, gripping Derek's shoulders and moving off of him, if only to preserve his dignity before Derek feels how turned on he is by this whole little exchange. After he finds his stool again, cheeks burning, he sucks down his coke, eyes purposefully glued on Laura. Stiles jumps when Derek whispers in his ear,  
"By underage you meant?"  
"Under the drinking age, 'm eighteen though." Stiles mumbles. He can't concentrate on Laura anymore, all his attention focused on not twitching under Derek's gaze. Stiles finally cracks under the pressure and turns to say something when Derek meets him halfway, crushing his warm, scotch soaked mouth against Stiles'. 

Stiles kisses him back eagerly, reaching his hands up to rake through Derek's hair. They kiss hungrily, Stiles sucking on Derek's tounge in a way he's only seen in porn. His experience in kissing was limited to Heather, and Karen Jones for two seconds last spring. His experience in kissing boys, slim to none. (Okay, not slim to, just none.)  
"Fuck, you keep kissing me like that-" Derek rasps, beard scraping Stiles' cheek in a delicious way.  
"What?" Stiles gasps, out of breath, hand back on Derek's thigh to steady himself as he chases Derek back into his space to get at his mouth. 

"So eager huh? Kissing like you want me to take you in the bathroom and-"  
Stiles moans as Derek sucks a mark onto his neck.  
"Please," He whispers, lacing a hand in Derek's hair. Derek breaks away from his neck, smirks and nips at Stiles' lower lip.  
"Sound so good like that."  
Stiles bucks his hips once into Derek's, before he forces himself to still. He's never been so turned on in his life. Never been with someone so hot as the fucking sun. Never been so close to coming in his pants like he's fucking thirteen from just kissing.  
"Do something, please. Need it." Stiles moans into Derek's mouth, fingers locked tight in the fabric of his t-shirt. 

"C'mon babe, I know just the place." Derek says into Stiles' ear, wrapping a hand around his waist and leading him into the back of the bar. Laura's voice is still ringing through the bar when Derek pulls open the door to the bathroom. He locks the door and immediately shoves Stiles against it, catching his lips in a biting kiss. Stiles bucks against him, sliding his hands under Derek's shirt, groping his abs.  
"God, your body is fucking ridiculous."  
Derek rolls his eyes and laughs into his neck,  
"Thanks."  
"Wanna see it." Stiles breathes, yanking the shirt over his chest.  
"Don't have time for all that now babe, gotta be quick. Don't want anyone to know what we're doing in here, do we?" Derek mumbles against his lips.  
Stiles frowns, arms snaking around Derek's neck,  
"So you don't want to fuck me?" 

Derek's hips buck and they both moan as their erections slide together,  
"Shit, of course I do baby, we just, I don't have a condom and-"  
"I'm clean," Stiles says breathlessly, hands going down to unbutton Derek's skin tight jeans.  
"Me too, but you shouldn't just take anyone's word for that, promise me you won't let anyone fuck you without a condom." Derek demands, stilling Stiles hands. "That's so important baby."  
"Okay I won't, I won't."  
Derek kisses Stiles sweetly,  
"Good boy."  
Stiles keens at that and Derek smirks before dropping to his knees. He rubs his hands up and down Stiles' thighs, before popping the button on his jeans. 

"Anyone ever done this to you before?" Derek asks, pushing the jeans down Stiles' legs. Stiles shakes his head as Derek seals his mouth over the wet spot forming on his boxers. Stiles lets out a strangled moan and bucks his hips hard.  
"Sorry, shit, sorry."  
"You're fine." Derek says, voice husky as he pulls Stiles' boxers down his legs. His cock is red and leaking at the tip, and he doesn't hesitate before taking it in his mouth. Stiles moans and fists his hands in Derek's hair as he licks all around the slightly salty flesh. 

Derek's always loved sucking dick, especially virgin dick. He loves the way Stiles' hips are twitching as he tries not to shove his cock all the way down Derek's throat, the little whimpering noises spilling from him, the way Stiles' fingers keep tightening in his hair. It's barely been four minutes before Stiles' grip tightens and his hips buck a little harder than they should, and Derek gags and Stiles chokes out,  
"I'm gonna-"  
Derek sucks harder, swallowing it all down when Stiles comes in his mouth. Derek pulls off and palms himself, watching Stiles, head thrown back against the wall, chest heaving, mouth slack. Derek watches him as he finishes unbuttoning his own pants, and pulls his cock out. It's leaking slightly and he pulls the foreskin over it, thumbing at the tip. 

Derek's grunting against Stiles thigh, much closer to orgasam than he should be from just a few minutes of him jerking it, when Stiles grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him up, sealing their mouths. He wraps his hand around Derek's and Derek shudders at the tightness.  
"Come on Derek. Come for me. Wanna see you shoot all over me, please." Stiles whispers into Derek's mouth. Derek groans and a few tugs later, he spills all over their hands. He's still coming down from his high when he catches Stiles licking his come off of his hand.  
"You're so hot." Derek presses his mouth to Stiles, slipping his tongue into Stiles' mouth, tasting himself. It's unbearably sexy. He kisses Stiles harder, as if he's trying to chase the taste of himself, out of his mouth. 

They're still lazily kissing, both of them naked from the waist down when someone starts pounding on the door.  
"Come on man! Some of us need ta take a piss!"  
They both jolt away from the door, and yank up their pants. Derek hastily unlocks the door, and pulls Stiles out of the bathroom and around the corner. The music's still thumping, but Laura's not singing and Derek cradles him against the wall, before he busts out laughing.  
"What?" Stiles asks.  
"I can't fucking believe we did that!"  
Stiles laughs,  
"Me either. I just got my first blow job in a bar bathroom from the hottest guy on earth."  
"Don't flatter me babe, pretty sure David Beckham and I are at least tied for hottest guy on earth." Derek teases.  
Stiles rolls his eyes, and pecks Derek.  
"So what now?"  
Derek tilts his head,  
"Well, it doesn't sound like Laura's playing anymore, you want to go see her?"  
"Wait, I can meet her?!"  
"Sure, if you want. I mean she's not all that and a bag of chips."  
"She's Laura fucking Hale! She's the whole damn meal!"  
Derek laughs and grabs Stiles' hand, leading him outside to the loading area.  
"Oh no, do I look okay?" Stiles asks, flattening his hair.  
Derek rolls his eyes,  
"I mean freshly fucked, but I'm sure she won't mind."  
Stiles shoves at him and soon they stop in front of a tour bus. Derek knocks three times and eventually the door gets thrown open. 

Laura Hale is standing there, sans makeup, in a black tank top, hot pink shorts and slippers.  
"Derek! Where the fuck have you been? I wanted to leave like twenty minutes ago!"  
Stiles looks back and forth between them and let's himself be drug on the bus as Derek pushes past Laura.  
"Geez Laur, I was a little busy. Anyway, this is Stiles, he's a really big fan."  
Laura looks at him, and smiles,  
"Oh hey hun. How are you?"  
"Pretty good." Stiles stutters.  
Laura laughs,  
"Well I guess I can't be too mad at my dipshit brother if he was hanging out with you all night, can I?" 

Stiles turns to Derek,  
"You're her brother?!"  
"I said I knew her."  
"You said you kinda knew her. You asshole!"  
Laura laughs,  
"Forgive him, he just doesn't like that he plays runner up to the hottest human ever."  
"It's all the makeup."  
She rolls her eyes,  
"Oh fuck off. So Stiles, you enjoy the show?"  
"Yeah, you're fucking amazing."  
"Thank you."  
"I'm glad you're touring again, I missed you there for awhile."  
"Yeah well, some shit went down, I needed a break."  
"You mean shit like-"  
"Derek, shut up." Laura hisses. "Do we need to have a talk about what we mention in front of the fans again?"  
"Stiles isn't just any fan, he's cool." 

"Oh really? What are you guys boyfriends now? You gonna ask him to come on tour with us?"  
"That depends."  
Laura scoffs,  
"On what?"  
"If he says yes or not."


End file.
